Why Your Feedback Isn’t Landing—and What Dance Coaches Know That Most Leaders Don’t
Why Feedback Feels So Hard
Most leaders dread giving feedback.
It feels awkward, high-stakes, and easy to get wrong. You worry about coming off too harsh, damaging the relationship, or triggering defensiveness. So you wait. You soften. You avoid. And eventually, it snowballs.
We don’t fear giving feedback. We fear giving it badly.
And in the meantime, performance stalls. Trust erodes. Growth halts.
What Dance Coaches Get Right
When I take dance lessons, I never wait for a performance review.
My coach gives me micro-adjustments in the moment: tweak your posture, ground your feet, lift through the ribcage. I apply the feedback. We move on. Then I get the next one. It’s fluid, fast, and free of drama.
Now imagine if she waited three months to tell me I was out of sync. Or if she said nothing until I "really messed up."
That’s how most corporate leaders treat feedback. And it’s a disaster.
Don’t Give Feedback—Coach Instead
Feedback in the workplace has become a formal, high-stakes event. It’s loaded with fear: of being too harsh, of demotivating the team, of triggering defensiveness, or just getting it wrong.
But here’s the real problem:
We don’t fear giving feedback. We fear giving it badly.
That fear keeps leaders silent, and keeps their team stagnant.
If we treated team development like athletic or artistic coaching—with regular, relational, real-time input—we’d remove the pressure and unlock growth.
Let’s flip the script. Don’t be a feedback giver. Be a coach.
The SHIFT Model: Coaching in Action
Use Nancy’s SHIFT Influence Model to turn fear into a habit of growth:
S – Set the Intention
You’re not just correcting behaviour. You’re developing capacity. Shift your intent from "fix this" to "let’s grow together."
Like a dance coach, your job is to elevate, not evaluate.
H – Hear Their Reality
Before giving feedback, listen for what they’re navigating.
What’s their current challenge? Are they overwhelmed? Frustrated? Overthinking?
Use NLP and PCM cues—body language, tone, pace—to read between the lines. Feedback lands better when it speaks to where they are, not just what they did.
I – Identify Alignment
Not everyone processes feedback the same way. Ask: "How do you prefer to receive input?"
Then align your feedback style to match their communication preference:
- Direct and structured
- Warm and caring
- Fun and light
- Reflective and thoughtful
This isn’t about sugar-coating. It’s about reducing frustration and increasing motivation.
F – Frame the Shift
Don’t dump all your feedback at once. Give one precise adjustment at a time, just like a coach.
Make it safe, doable, and forward-focused.
Instead of: "That presentation was weak." Try: "Next time, try leading with the data story—you’ll have them in the first 30 seconds."
T – Take Aligned Action
Coaching sticks when it’s consistent. Give one actionable step, and follow up.
Small corrections + rhythm = mastery.
Feedback Isn’t a Big Event. It’s a Coaching Rhythm.
Your team doesn’t need more performance reviews. They need more in-the-moment guidance from a leader who’s in it with them.
Want to try it today? Ask one person on your team:
“What’s one thing I can support you with this week?”
That’s a coaching question. And it starts the dance.
Hi, I Am Nancy Michieli
Executive Communication Coach
LNancy Michieli is an engineer-turned-communication coach who helps leaders decode conversations, amplify influence, and accelerate career growth. A ballroom dance champion and executive coach, she blends technical precision with human connection to engineer better conversations that build trust, credibility, and impact..
